MY SLIMMING MIRACLE CURE
Like me, you’ve already tried green tea or guarana diet pills, with no success ? You want to moderate your appetite to finally shed those kilos that are ruining your life ? Unfortunately, you eat like four and you are unable to resist at the sight of chips or chocolate cake… Nevermind, I have THE miracle solution that will satisfy your hunger for 0 calorie : plaster ! Read on to learn how to consume it in a greedy way, with my slimming smoothie recipe.
For this slimming miracle cure, you will need :
This slimming smoothie is approximately 36 calories and is enough to satisfy your hunger for the whole day… and perhaps even more !
➜ 150 g of plaster (fast setting, preferably)
➜ 200 ml of water
➜ 1/4 apple
➜ 1/2 strawberry
➜ food colouring (optional, to make your smoothie more instagramable)
1. Wash the apple, cut one quarter and peel it well : the skin contains too many vitamins, which are bad for you and for your slimming goals. Cut the apple quarter into pieces and pour them into your blender.
2. Wash the strawberrie and cut it in half. Store one half for the smoothie you’ll prepare tomorrow, and add the other half to your blender.
3. Add 150 grams of plaster. I recommend a fast setting plaster for optimal results. You can find bags of 40kg for a dozen euros in DIY stores like Home Depot or Homebase. You are about to save a lot of money !
4. Add 200ml of water and mix everything well. Your slimming smoothie is ready, enjoy !
5. You can also add a few drops of food colouring, to make your smoothie more instagramable. Green and pink are two colours that will ensure you a maximum of likes. This way, you can easily take a beautiful shot of your magic potion to reveal the secret of your perfect body to your Instagram followers. If you do so, don’t forget to tag me on the picture !
And that’s how you can easily plaster your stomach (no pun intended, of course). The plaster will cover your intestines with a thin protective layer, which is also waterproof. This will block the absorption of calories and prevent fat from going directly into your butt. Nevertheless, be careful : it’s best not to have any physical activity for a few hours after drinking this smoothie, because you could crack your internal plaster layer and that would make it less effective…
With this slimming cure, you are guaranteed to permanently lose appetite and finally achieve your fitness goals. Goodbye, extra kilos ! And hello, free time : you will have many hours left, now that you no longer need to cook or eat. Oh and above all, I almost forgot…
… APRIL FOOLS !